I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
