There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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