he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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