I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
