Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
