he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he fucked my hip out of place.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
