??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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