I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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