I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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