i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
