Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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