Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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