I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
