Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
