Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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