haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
