What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
