U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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