Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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