ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
