I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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