y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
BRING THE BAGELS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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