This dress was meant to end up on your floor
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
