The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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