there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
