Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
