you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
