Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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