Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
