New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I did not marry a roomba.
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