its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
