I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
