Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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