so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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