Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
