god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my liver is dry heaving
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
