awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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