Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
