we're blogging at a bar
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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