I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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