I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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