new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
