He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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