i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
