Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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