i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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