This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
