You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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