Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
