Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
