I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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