goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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