Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
