She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
