You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize