The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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