I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
