She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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