I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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