My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
