i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize