Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
