so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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