Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
