The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize